anal eyes that

Funny how innocent little statistics can give you a blast from the past. Goggle analytics has just provided me a reminder of a life long ago in very different circumstances.

I'm pretty happy that I'm in these circumstances now, and not still in those. Sometimes it's very satisfying to see how far you've moved on compared to people from your past, especially those that continue to repeat behavioural patterns over and over and when the same outcome comes from those patterns over and over, they can never understand why. Those people need to have out of body experiences.

Or a good kick up the arse.

What not to say to your girlfriend when she has PMT and needs an entire packet of TimTams

Boy: staring adoringly at girl
Girl: what
Boy: your hair's getting really long
Girl: yes it is
Girl: expects loving compliment
Boy: you could almost have a mullet
Girl: get the fuck out of my car

In which most of the world annoys me just by breathing until I get a crunchie and a trashy mag

imgaine Rob Lowe
but shorter
with little feet
and a small pot belly
and without the hotness
and little wire specs
and a stupid short man goatee
and an annoying penchant for crunching loudly on apples and celery sticks
and an if he clears his throat every 2 minutes just once more I shall stab him habit
and a favourite catch phrase "note to self" where he actually means you need to note to yourself
and ugly shoes on those little feet
basically a small nibbling rodent with specs (ohmygod I almost forgot the obssessive pull the specs cleaning cloth out of pocket, clean specs, fold neatly, put back in pocket, fucking annoying twat behaviour!)

dishing the dirt

Now I don't mean this in a malicious vindictive evil way at all, but I simply cannot wait until Hugh Hefner kicks the bucket and all those blondes release their "true stories" about all the real goings on in the Playboy mansion.

a chocolate box of satin

I have been planning my wedding since as long as I've been breathing. Of course there was always one minor detail missing, the groom.

I now have the certain to be groom in my life and I will very soon get to plan my real life wedding! Very exciting!

Last night, in my head, I finally settled on the dresses for me and my girls. The colours are fab, purple, raspberry and chocolate satin, and they provide Cadbury a perfect opportunity to sponsor my wedding. Oooo, then I might get a choccie fountain for free, woohoo!

All he needs to do is get on with giving me the fucking diamond!

some days there are never enough tampons

nothing more to say about that
let your imaginations run wild

2 more sleeps till santa

It's practically the last day of work. Technically tomorrow is, but we just need to show up, go out for brekkie, then piss off for the year. Needless to say, no work is being done today

Shit bugger fuck, whatever it was in my head that I was going to write has vanished because of:

brrring brring
Hello
I've left my car at the station, do you want to swap keys
but I drove in
oh yeah
do you want to swap keys anyway
what the fuck for you stupid mental person?!

ahhhh, brain hurts, boyfriend not making sense, oh yeah, just remembered the olds are flying in tonight and need to arrange the cars to go pick them up, boyfriend making complete sense now, and I am retarded.

It's a good thing I'm pretty.